Sometimes I wonder
by TheBlackCatCrossing
Summary: The Joker reflects on life, himself and his favorite playmate. First person POV. Poetry. One Shot. Complete.


**Title: **Sometimes I wonder

**Genre:** Poetry, romance, general

**Rating:** T

**Feedback:** Sure

**Wordcount: **1065

**Diclaimer: **I don't own. DC and Warner Bros. do.

* * *

Sometimes I wonder

About these silly humans and their stupid laws

What good are they if they are only meant to be broken?

They are only statutes, self imposed limitations

An invisible red line

And yet

How many of them are that disciplined?

Discipline is **not **_natural_

It is an artificial construct,

A man made mechanism used to suppress the true self

**Mad made** like organized religion

Man made like the wax candle

Sometimes I wonder,

why do they put in so much faith into artificial commandments?

Sometimes I wonder, why don't they embrace what comes naturally to them,

Instead of having to come up with _creative_ rationalizations and break free from those self imposed chains

After all,

Discipline is only a fancy word for denial

Humans, what silly creatures

What is it to be human?

A disciplined brute

A rational fool

A walking contradiction

Sometimes I wonder what does it mean to be human

To be human, you have to feel

To be human, you have to think

To be human, you have to have a conscience, a soul

I feel,

I feel when a force of a hundred horses is breaking into my jaws

I feel when my bones are being broken into and my body violated

I feel when a sharp object pierces into my white flesh

I think,

I think about what I had for lunch today

I think about rigging the next NOW convention in town

I think I have to make a phone call

But do I have a spirit? A soul?

If the body is the vehicle and the mind the driver,

What purpose is the soul?

An imaginary penance to qualify entry into a manmade paradise?

Sometimes I wonder why do they waste time with petty rules and mind games.

Sometimes I wonder why he wastes his time.

Sometimes I wonder,

about this little game that we play

or is it a dance?

A game involves a set of rules and a set of props

A dance involves a neatly wound set of steps,

Like rules

That follow a set path

Is that it?

I don't know, but sometimes I wonder….

Props, like people, are the movable pieces

Steps, or the rules, allow for us to communicate

Sometimes I wonder,

About this unique thing that we have

This inimitable thing that we share

Sometimes, I do like to think that there is more

But that is crazy, isn't it?

To add meaning to where there is none?

Then again, according to my doctors,

I'm entitled to my deliriums

But I admit,

Sometimes I wonder,

If the rules changed

Would he take me up on that offer?

Of course not, that is a **silly** fantasy, but we all have them, right?

It's not a _crime_ to have them, is it?

Sometimes I wonder,

Why do I overestimate him?

Sometimes I wonder,

Does he really think one more trip to the funhouse will cure me?

Sometimes I wonder,

What would he think about change?

If I chose to initiate it,

I wonder,

Would he cross that bridge to me?

If he saw me make that first step

Sometimes I wonder

What would he say if I spilled some of Arkham's dirty little secrets?

Such as Plant Lady getting denied her vitamin D

Or the Hat fetishist getting surprise midnight check ups' with the guards dressed up as various members from storybook land and applying 'therapy'

By no means, I never claimed to be a humanitarian, but I can't help but wonder,

What would he say after waxing poetic about how we are the freaks and yet,

Behind closed doors

He is missing the greatest show on Earth and out of our hands!

Sometimes I wonder,

Does he ever feel like a hypocrite?

Isn't it a little strange

To claim that you for the precious little thing called life

And yet,

Being conditioned to just respond with combat

Is that really living?

To just respond with the fists

Without thinking

Isn't it a little odd

To claim you are not crazy

And yet,

How many times I you sent me back to the cookoo house

In hopes that I would change for your own peace of mind

Isn't the definition of insanity to expect change by using the same routine?

A rational fool

A disciplined brute

A walking contradiction

Sometimes I wonder

How would he react to change?

Sometimes I wonder

Does he even want to?

Would he follow my steps if I decided to alter this decades old match?

Sometimes I wonder,

How would he react to my electroshock therapy

Where my skin and muscles get more tender than a Thanksgiving turkey

Sometimes I wonder,

If he ever thinks about the pain that he arouses within me.

No, I am not talking about the superficial cuts and scrapes

I am talking about something deeper

Sometimes I wonder

If he thinks about this passion play

and how it arouses pleasure in my inner being, body and mind.

Sometimes I wonder, how would he react

If instead of greeting his face with a musk spray

I ran a hand across it

Sometimes I wonder,

What would he say

If he found out

That while the blows to my face hurt,

none so much as the ones that occur in my heart

Sometimes I wonder,

What would he think

If he found out that he aroused more gratification within me

Than a playground full of broken glass

Sometimes I wonder,

What would it feel like for him to hold me, kiss me even?

Sometimes I wonder,

How would he respond?

If he found me lying next to him,

And I leaned over

And with my hot breath against his cheek,

and whispered my deepest darkest secrets to him.

Sometimes I wonder,

what would it feel like

to have that piece of humanity he allows me to see,

touch my white flesh.

Across my neck, between my thighs.

Sometimes I wonder,

would he let me return the favor

Perchance it was a dream,

I don't know

But I had you cornered

And cradled your face

Between my hands

And on your back

Before I leaned in

And delivered the punch line

It sent more impulses throughout my body,

than the outdated technology masquerading as a cure.

Was it real, a product of my imagination,

or something else?

I don't know,

But sometimes I wonder.

Fin

Author's note: Hello everyone. No, I didn't fall off the face of the Earth, I just took an extended break. Let's just say that 2008 was a challenge for me creatively, financially, mentally and academically. I decided to write this little piece before the Winter quarter starts next week. For those that follow my story, One More Chance, I have not abandoned it. It's just on a hiatus until further notice. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this piece I brewed. Hugs n kisses!!


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